I FINALLY FOUND A FUCKING WORKING TORRENT.
Download that. Already no-steamed.
To use: 1. Find the hl2.exe and create a shortcut. Right click-properties and add the following text to target: "-game tf -applaunch 440 -window -noborder -novid -tools" without the quotes. 2. Start game. To edit: 1. Ctrl + L to load a map 2. Press the record button to record some actions. 3. Do Step 2 as many times as you'd like. 4. Click the Active Camera/ Work Camera button to take control of the camera. 5. Place camera. 6. Trim timeline down to properly record the shots. 7. Crank the motion blur and/or depth of field. 8. File > Export > Movie > change the renders settings to your liking. 9. Find something to do for a while because rendering takes forever.Motion blur but no DoF is an instant render. DoF but no motion blur takes a few seconds. DoF and motion blur will take hours.
...also apparently we can +rep people now. Just saying.